Monday, January 12, 2015

Where do I go from here?

I haven't blogged in months and months and months. I have a good reason though, I had nothing to say.  Right now I feel like I'm at a crossroads. My big kid is going to be 5 on Wednesday and my little guy will be 2 later this month. I can see the turning point where I have to transition from being a stay at home mom to something more. If you asked my when I was 18 what I wanted to do with my life I would have told you I was going to be an English major and writer. I was going to teach high school and spend my spare time hunkered down with Mark Twain, Hemingway, and my computer. If you asked me at 23 what I was going to do for the rest of my life I would have said work at QuikTrip, they paid me well, they treated me well, and I was happy there but definitely not fulfilled. Then life truly began at 25 when I had Laithe. The next few years were a whirlwind of Andy's deployment and parenting alone, followed by leaving the company I had worked for over 10 years and moving from Texas to Iowa. In 2013 we welcomed Kai to our family and we became complete. I'm finding myself with more spare time the older that he gets. I've filled it with training plans, half marathons, half iron mans, many good books, and a teeny tiny part time personal trainer position. I love working out. I love pushing myself and I love meeting new goals. I thought I would love pushing others to their goals as well. Guess what? I think I was wrong. It's frustrating and infuriating to work so hard for someone when they won't work hard for themselves. We all have excuses but those who don't use them are the ones that are successful. I have taught classes for senior citizens, which I loved. I did a short lived high intensity training class that was fun while it lasted. The one on one training though? I don't know that it's for me. I can say all the motivating phrases, I can push you through that workout, but I can't follow you home and prevent you from eating a bag of Doritos or smoking a cigarette. I suppose that's the most difficult part, wanting something so badly for someone else, only to see them destroy their hard work and essentially throw away their money. I've been looking at going back to school and I thought the next logical step would be a degree in exercise science but I'm not sure that's the direction I want my life to head in. I certainly never thought I would be 30 trying to figure my out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Until then I'm going to take Ray Bradbury's advice "Jump and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall."

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