Sunday, February 10, 2013

Breastfeeding Does Not Define Me As A Mother.

Or does it?
I'm really struggling here.
Kai was 6lbs 9oz when he was born.
He was 6lbs when we left the hospital.
He was 6lbs at his weight check 2 days after we left the hospital.
He was 6lb 2oz at his 2 week appointment.
We had to start supplementing with formula.

Plain & simple, my body is failing him.
And it sucks.
I feel really bad about it and I'm really hurting because of it.

I tried to breastfeed with Laithe.
Same thing.
Not gaining weight.  

I've done everything right. 
 I've talked to 3 different lactation consultants.
I've eaten enough oatmeal to feed a third world country.
I've taken enough fenugreek to smell like a maple syrup factory.
I've drank Mother's Milk Tea and a thousand ounces of water.
Did it make a difference? No.
Should you care? No.

Why do so many people feel the need to express their opinion?  Hey judgy lady-You are NOT an expert (unless you are, then I'll take your advice).
It doesn't make me less of a mother because I can't feed my kid breastmilk, so why do people get off trying to make women feel bad for feeding their kid formula?

I don't care if they feed their kid organic milk from a hippopotamus, why would they care what I feed mine?  
It is extremely heartbreaking to not be able to physically provide food for your child...but guess what?
I have another alternative.
Open a can of formula.
Because I'm not an asshat who thinks her kid is too good for it.
I'm a lady who just wants to feed her kid.

So seriously, stop judging people.
Laithe is a perfectly healthy 3 year old.
He's so smart and hilarious.
Not because of what I fed him,
but because I am awesome and my husband is awesome 
and we are awesome parents.

As a parent, do what is best for your child, your family, your sanity.
Don't let people pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable with.
Whoever you are, provide for your family the best you can and love them endlessly and you will be great and they will be great.  
And if they aren't?
I guess you can always blame the fact that you didn't breastfeed.


  1. I feel you on that. I chose not to breastfed my daughter and some people looked down on me bc of that. It was my choice and that is all that matters. My daughter is smart and has no health issues and as a parent I am glad for the choice that I made

  2. We tried breastfeeding the first night and it was so painful that I knew there was no way I could keep my sanity as a first time mama while breastfeeding. Lactation consultants said our latch was good, I was making everything just fine, but it hurt like no other. And yes, anyone and everyone, especially anyone that has anything to do with breastfeeding will make you feel terrible about it. I just say screw em.

  3. I totally know/understand where you are coming from. Just be grateful that your husband is supportive. He actually made me feel guilty with #1, I heard it all from him and his family (he comes from crazy people). Formula is expensive was the #1 complaint, followed by it smells like calf replacement milk, followed by the kid is going to be dumb, and lack an immune system. My mil still looks down at me for not bf-ing. I just couldn't produce... I drank the tea, ate oatmeal, took fenegreek, was on reglan. It wasn't until baby #3 that the lactation consultants told me that I had issues with my milk ducts and I wasn't going to be able to produce.
    Formula isn't so bad, it's come a long way. It has all the nutrients found in breast milk (ARA and DHA) which support immune system, brain and eye development and then some. Like vitamin D- breast fed babies need that supplement.
    My husband has come around, finally 3.5 years and 3 kids later, he is grateful for formula and the fact that he can help out with the feedings. And it's not so expensive after all. If you sign up for coupons and do the rebates etc it works into the budget, plus it's only for a year. Then they drink milk.
    Sorry for the over-commenting (Believe it or not, I am keeping this short, sweet, and PG), you struck a nerve here. Your post really pissed me off. You are an awesome mom, and only you know know what is best for you and your baby. Don't stress about people's opinions, in the grand scheme of things they don't matter.

  4. I am a first time mom and am lucky enough to able to produce milk but can't actually get the latch right etc - so I pump and feed my 4 month old by bottle. He is 100% breast milk but strangers don't know if it's breast milk or formula. I have had so many nosy, snotty know it alls question me about what I am feeding him. When I say I pump it's amazing the response from some of these people. It makes me feel defensive and sad for friends who are not able, or choose not to breast feed. I have found in the 4 short months of being a mom a few things: 1. There is no universal "right" way to do anything 2. I find things everyday to feel guilty for and worry I am not doing a good enough job 3. Being a mom is the best,most fun thing I have ever done!

    I hope that more women will remember how hard this awesome job is, stop judging and encourage the other mom's around them to keep doing the best they can...sometimes just leaving the house is a feat!

    1. Thanks for sharing Lee! It definitely is a struggle to just get out the door! I forgot how hard it was to leave with a baby (and how much junk you have to bring!)

  5. Aww man, I hate to read this and think that someone is giving you crap on something that is so personal and that it sounds like you are struggling with! :( Why are people such judgmental jerks! Everyone mom has to do what works best for them! Rock on, you awesome parent :)

    1. Thanks Kim! Can't wait to see you at the half marathon!

  6. Handsome baby! I was in the same boat as you and wasn't able to BF my twins. I was just too sick and combine that with them not having their sucking reflexes. I felt horrible, like I had failed them, but I had to consider their health first before my feelings. They are now 10 and are fine and thriving. I feel people will always have their opinions and judgements good or bad. You as his mother will do what is in his best interest. Enjoy your baby!

  7. it is so sad and irritating when people make comments/statement like that...everyone parents in such different ways and there is no wrong or right way...don't we all want to be the best mom best moms need to also learn to zip their mouths to other moms! you just keep lovin on those adorable boys!


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